A dear friend often says that her longing for heaven increases with each deposit made. She’s referring to the passing of her mother, then her father, into eternity and her desire to join them there. Knowing this dear friend’s love for our Lord, I know she will run to His feet long before she searches out her parents. But her increasing desire to “go home” for a family reunion is understandable.
I’ve experienced very little loss. Both my aging parents, and also my in-laws, are still living, and my husband and I thoroughly enjoy and treasure our time with them. But one deposit did have a profound impact on my spiritual life.
My precious niece Tami suffered for years, and prayers on her behalf were innumerable. Time and again she would be brought back from the brink of death, and all sorts of rejoicing would ensue. At the age of nine, Tami died.
Tami’s passing led to a crisis of faith for me. The futile question (“Why?”) reared its ugly head. “Why did we pray?” “What difference did it make?” And I finally decided that whatever God’s purpose was for her pain-filled life… Well, it just wasn’t good enough.
In the years that followed God wove the grief and unbelief of that trial and many others together with grace and the truth of His Word. This tapestry of experience has taught me that God’s purposes in all things are higher than my finite understanding and to trust Him wholly, even when the circumstances make absolutely no sense. He has proven to be worthy of that trust time and again.
Today is Tami’s birthday. Had she lived, she would be 41.
The old adage says “time heals all wounds.” While I think “all” is a generous adjective here, time certainly grants perspective. When our hearts are full to the brim with grief, there’s little room for anything else. But as grief wanes, and it always eventually does, God’s grace is allowed passage. Sometimes grace gives way to understanding, sometimes not. But grace always brings peace – and eventually joy.
My joy comes in knowing Tami’s pain is no more. I visualize her dancing, something she loved to do before severe scoliosis, spinal surgery, and paralysis hindered her happy movements. And there is joy in knowing that our Lord delights in her presence, and she in His.
I often wonder if Tami has any idea how many lives she impacted by her sweet faith while living or how her dying eventually deepened and shaped my faith. I can’t wait to tell her all about it when we are joyfully reunited.
Happy birthday to a precious deposit.
Joy in Jesus,
Jacquee